and you said cock pushups were impossible
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
