it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
