its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
