High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
