I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
