Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
