The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
