if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
