found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
