theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
