Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
