I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize