I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
