Hey man sorry I got all grabby
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
