if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
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