4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Randomize