I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
