I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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