He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she looked like the before picture.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
