He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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