I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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