Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize