Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
