I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
