i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
