Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
