Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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