so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
