I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
