Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize