Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i think i have herpe
just one?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
