She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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