Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
