I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
