don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
