I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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