she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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