The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
