I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
