oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
