wanna go halves on a baby?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
