i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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