we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
