I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
