Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
