I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
