The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
