but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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