he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
