She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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