ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
