Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
