This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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