it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
