I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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