You just made me feel so damn special
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
True strength comes from lack of pants
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
