Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
