Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
