He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
