it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
