Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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