dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
