I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
