hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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