Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
