It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
