I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
