I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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