All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
