Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
