sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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