I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
